I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
