I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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