yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
