I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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