Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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