you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
