There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
