he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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