very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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