My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
