Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
