I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
