I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Randomize
