ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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