Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
