I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
