Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
