There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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