From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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