what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
