help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
