Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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