Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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