hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
