Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
