dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
