you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
