I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
