Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize