Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
