question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
