Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
