I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize