why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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