My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
