Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
