I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
