then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The Olympian is in my bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
