There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
