I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
