At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sext me about skeletons
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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