Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
