I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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