sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
