im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm at about main and main street
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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