don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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