You just made me feel so damn special
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
