I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
zippers are such a cool invention
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
