all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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