Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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