paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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