im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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