can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
