Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
