your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
