sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
