Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
