i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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