she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My ATM looks so different sober.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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