Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
