i think i have two assholes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
